a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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