Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
