Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
