You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
