Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
