the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
