both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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