Ketchup is God's man juice
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
