Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
