omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize