So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
