Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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