Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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