Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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