you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
