do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
