how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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