I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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