After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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