dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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