i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
