I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
