I faked an abortion last night.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
