i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
