Porn is love you can see.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
