Taylor Swift is so right about you.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
