my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
