I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
