He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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