I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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