Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
birth control should be required to get into college
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
