hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
