he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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