Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
