we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
