i just google imaged poop.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
