Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
