My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
