I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
