need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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