My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
