I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
