I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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