i don't like sucking hair
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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