you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Did I show you my penis last night?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
