with your own penis?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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