you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize