i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
