You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
