it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
is it fun? or sober?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
