The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
