You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
