Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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