that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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