make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
