the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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