At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
