If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
