The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
