omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
