I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
