I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
