Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
