so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
