thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
