your thong is hanging out like whoa
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
