but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
