everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
