someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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