I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize