I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
