We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
